Posts Tagged ‘air’
Microsoft Panhandler v1.0 (Beta)
|Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.”The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,” recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was [...]
The technical geek test
|Are you a tehcnical geek?Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do [...]
A list of redneck computer terms
|Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.Bar code - Them’s the fight’n rules down da local tavern.Bug - The reason you is a giv’n for calling in sick.Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.Cache - Needed when you go to da store.Chip - Yer cusin’s uncle’s [...]
The Windows Rejection Song
|Why are there so many, users of Windows?Don’t people have any pride?Windows is useless, and designed by morons,and Windows had got DOS inside.But some don’t care and continue to use it.I know they’re wrong, wait and see.Someday we’ll see it, the Windows rejection,the users, and Bill Gates, and me.Who said that every bug, would be [...]
You have an Internet addiction when . . .
|You kiss your girlfriend’s home page.A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8…ISDN…cable modem…T1…T3. And even [...]
Fifty ways to be annoying in computer labs
|1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty [...]
Airplanes running operating systems
|Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.Macintosh: All the [...]
Microsoft buys church
|MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic ChurchVATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it [...]
Bill Gates can choose his punishment
|Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every [...]
Actual calls to technical support
|Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see [...]