Posts Tagged ‘bartender’
The bachelor’s diet
|Bachelor’s DietMONDAY:BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her [...]
The highly-skilled fly
|A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. “When you and [...]
Scared sleeping
|Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two [...]
A blind man vists the state of Texas
|There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the [...]
Drinking too much
|A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch.A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough.The bartender said, “I’ve [...]
When you know you must really be drunk
|A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he?d had enough.The bartender said, “I?ve [...]
Buying drinks at a bar
|A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.Brunette: “I’ll have a B and C.”Bartender:”What is a B and C?”.Brunette: “Bourbon and Coke.”Redhead: “And, I’ll have a G and T.”Bartender: “What’s a G and T?”Redhead: “Gin and tonic.”Blonde: “I’ll have a 15.”Bartender: “What’s a 15?”Blonde: “7 [...]
Are You Really Sure?
|A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me [...]
Some very common traits in two drunks
|A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.The first man then asks: “Where are you from?””I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round [...]
Some yogurt visits a local bar
|Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”