Posts Tagged ‘GeT’
Microsoft buys church
|MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic ChurchVATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it [...]
Actual calls to technical support
|Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see [...]
The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account
|10. “Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?”9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.7. When you log on, your computer says “You’ve got lawsuits!”6. You’re suddenly getting more Spam than [...]
Real opcodes
|AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle’s Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and [...]
If Microsoft ran Christmas…
|Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn’t have to take the tree, but you still have to pay for it anyway. Ornament/95 would weigh 1500 pounds (requiring a reinforced steel countertop tree), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the [...]
New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
|At the time of writing, Microsoft’s slogan for Windows 95 was “Where do you want to go today?” These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.1. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 give you the whole house.2. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.3. Windows [...]
Architect programmer
|If architects had to work like programmers . . .Dear Mr. Architect,Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added [...]
Computer help stories
|AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn’t get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. technician, made sure the computer was plugged in and then asked the woman what happened when she pushed the power button.”I’ve pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens,” [...]
Emacs acronyms
|EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-ShiftEMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly SwappingEMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes SimplerEMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and SurrealEMACS: Energetic Merchants Always Cultivate SalesEMACS: Each Manual’s Audience is Completely StupifiedEMACS: Emacs Means A Crappy ScreenEMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer StorageEMACS: Even My Aunt Crashes the SystemEMACS: Eradication of Memory Accomplished with Complete SimplicityEMACS: Elsewhere [...]
Hacker syndrome
|There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be [...]