Posts Tagged ‘guy’
Microsoft Panhandler v1.0 (Beta)
|Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.”The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,” recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was [...]
Top ten signs you bought a bad computer
|10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.9. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy.8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.7. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”.6. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long.5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs [...]
Diary of a computer lamer
|July 18I just tried to connect to America online, which I’ve heard is the best online service I can get. I can’t connect, I don’t know what is wrong.July 19Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don’t see why. He’s just trying to cheat me. How dumb does [...]
Have a Microsoft Christmas
|’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father’s mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping.The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug [...]
Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
|10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.7. The “It’s a Small World After All” creatures go on a rampage.6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting “Kill Clinton, kill Clinton.”5. When you wish upon [...]
He’s a real fun guy [fungi]
|Heard on a radio station.What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?”He’s a real fun guy [fungi].”
Bad convenience foods
|The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel’s pickled eggs … 8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source [...]
Outrageous lying
|A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:Officer: May I see your driver’s license?Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.Officer: The car is stolen?Driver: That’s [...]
Stop the drunk driver
|A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”The driver said, “You buyin’?”
Stupid blonde driver
|A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”