Posts Tagged ‘jump’
Top ten signs you bought a bad computer
|10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it.9. It’s celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy.8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car.7. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”.6. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long.5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs [...]
Airplanes running operating systems
|Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.Macintosh: All the [...]
Alice is in UNIX land
|”Can you help me? asked Alice.”No,” said Negative. “I’m looking for a white consultant.” Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. “Did he go this way?” she asked. “No,” said Negative. She pointed the other way. “Yes,” said Positive. Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was [...]
Europe English
|The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as [...]
Try to explain yourself
|While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back [...]
Very stupid robbers
|Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!”The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!”The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious.”
Some fishing terms
|Ten common fishing terms explainedCatch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it’s limit. Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend [...]
Where is my goat?
|There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched [...]
Need fishing licenses
|A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden !!Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.After about a half mile the fella stopped [...]
Catching the bear
|Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty [...]