Posts Tagged ‘lady’
Purchasing a turkey
|A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Reading the scripture
|An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!” (”Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your [...]
Blonde avoiding trees
|A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.”Mam, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road”?The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. [...]
The woman is on fire
|A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.But it also lit up her arm, too!Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took [...]
Should have glasses
|A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
Flying near Athens
|As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What’s that stuff on those hills?””Just snow,” replied the stewardess. “That’s what I thought,” said the lady, “but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece.”
Army fitness report
|British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”….- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.- I would not breed from this Officer.- This Officer is [...]
The plane is crashing into the ocean
|Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.”Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks [...]
Big ethical dilemma
|Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney’s mind: “Do I tell my partner?”
Why are you yelling that?
|A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.He [...]