Posts Tagged ‘lead’
Microsoft Panhandler v1.0 (Beta)
|Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling.”The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,” recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was [...]
Fifty ways to be annoying in computer labs
|1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty [...]
Microsoft buys church
|MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic ChurchVATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it [...]
Possible IBM acronyms
|IBM: It’s Being MendedIBM: Inmense Ball of MuckIBM: I Believe in MemorexIBM: It’s Better than Macintosh!IBM: Idiots Built MeIBM: Intense Bowel MovementIBM: Inferior But Marketable?IBM: I’ve Been MisleadIBM: It’s Better ManuallyIBM: Infinitly Better MacintoshIBM: Indefinitly Boggled MachineIBM: I Bought a MacIBM: I Blame Microsoft.IBM: I Bought MacintoshIBM: I’ll Buy MacintoshIBM: I’ve Been MovedIBM: I’ve Been [...]
Caffeine addict quiz
|Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and [...]
Purchasing power of burgers
|Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many “Big Mac” hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany’s leading institutes.The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald’s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by [...]
Try to catch the rabbit
|The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout [...]
I often feel guilty
|Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. “Doctor, you must help me,” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a [...]
Historic Custer battle
|The following are supposedly true headlines that have appeared in papers during the war.Some Leading Papers’ Coverage of Custer’s MassacreVariety: “Custer Closes Out of Town”Pravda: “Big Red Victory.”Sports Illustrated: “Indians Win Series”Women’s Wear Daily: “Feathers Make Comeback”Reader’s Digest: “Sitting Bull Reveals New Cure for Dandruff”The Washington Post: “Custer Loses Rural Vote”
New weapon Chicken Gun
|Flash - New Weapon in America’s Arsenal - Dubbed ‘The Chicken Gun’Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, over recent news accounts of an Air Force “chicken gun.”It seems the gun is a converted 20-foot cannon capable of hurling dead four-pound chickens at airplanes at 700 miles per hour … [...]