Posts Tagged ‘television’
why the television is better than the World Wide Web
|10. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404″ message? 8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV. 7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. [...]
Army needs new recruits
|Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit? 6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants You” [...]
Lease nuclear weapons
|Lease a Nuke!Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional warfare and messy bio-chemical weapons? Want to watch the citizens of your favorite arcology squirm and sweat in constant nagging fear of instant and unexpected anhilation? Lease a nuclear device! [...]
Benefits of having Alzheimer’s disease
|5. You never have to watch reruns on television.4. You are always meeting new people.3. You don’t have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.1. Mysteries are always interesting.
Making a bet at a bar
|Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.Then, the guy on the [...]
The Feline Diet
|Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots of table scraps — most [...]
In-class Assignment for Wednesday
This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:—————————————————————-Rebecca and Gary English 44ASMUCreative WritingProf Miller In-class Assignment for WednesdayToday we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.The process is simple. Each person [...]
Men vs. Women
Men vs. Women Men and women are not alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged: RELATIONSHIPS: First, a man does not call a [...]
Just in case
“Mr. Chilton,” the analyst said, “I think this will be your last visit.””Does that mean I’m cured?” he asked.”For all practical purposes, yes,” she said. “I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven’t stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from.””Well, [...]
Love handles
One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.”Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released [...]