Posts Tagged ‘tree’
Have a Microsoft Christmas
|’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father’s mouse. The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping.The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software. The children were nestled all snug [...]
Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
|10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.7. The “It’s a Small World After All” creatures go on a rampage.6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting “Kill Clinton, kill Clinton.”5. When you wish upon [...]
Canada language
|How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)How do you tell a Canadian from an American?It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he’d say “zed” instead of “zee”. But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a [...]
Thankful he’s drunk
|The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk”The wasted wino asked, “Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?””Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”Obviously relieved, the [...]
Blonde avoiding trees
|A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.”Mam, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road”?The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. [...]
Strange name for cats
|One day there was a woman who lost her cat named “LOVE.” It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very [...]
The woman is on fire
|A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.But it also lit up her arm, too!Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took [...]
Time for the wedding
|A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.”But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.””Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.””But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”A [...]
He is extremely drunk
|Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. [...]
Rookie is on the job
|A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the [...]