Posts Tagged ‘week’
A list of redneck computer terms
|Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.Bar code - Them’s the fight’n rules down da local tavern.Bug - The reason you is a giv’n for calling in sick.Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.Cache - Needed when you go to da store.Chip - Yer cusin’s uncle’s [...]
Fifty ways to be annoying in computer labs
|1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty [...]
The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account
|10. “Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?”9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.8. Apparently, your flame war with DonCorleone@mafia.com is about to turn ugly.7. When you log on, your computer says “You’ve got lawsuits!”6. You’re suddenly getting more Spam than [...]
If Hewlett-Packard ran Christmas…
|They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after the January Bowl Games.
Twas the night before crisis
|Twas the night before crisis,And all through the house,Not a program was working,Not even a browse.Programmers were wrung out,Too mindless to care,Knowing chances of cutoverHadn’t a prayer.The users were nestledAll snug in their beds,While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads.When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter,That I sprang from my tubeTo see what [...]
How to shoot yourself in the foot
|Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using [...]
Hacker syndrome
|There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be [...]
Confusion about Y2K
|Dear Boss,I hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, [...]
Floppy disk care
|By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal [...]
Wise cooking advice
|This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven’t seen listed in any cookbooks.While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going.Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting [...]