Posts Tagged ‘week’
Thin People Don’t
|By Barbara Florio GrahamFrom McCall’s, June, 1983I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I’ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what I serve [...]
Food one-liners
|The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called “The Fission Chips.”On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong [...]
Go to save my friend
|A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend, happy to get anything free from [...]
A prisoner with skills
|Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one [...]
Try to catch the rabbit
|The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout [...]
The reason for running
|A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me [...]
Prison Versus Housewives
|In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour each day in the yard to exercise and mingle. At home you get to clean the yard up so you can mow [...]
Working in the garden
|A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! [...]
Getting a new deputy
|The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.”Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?””11″ he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.””What two days of [...]
Wife helps out the cop
|A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:Man: What’s the problem officer?Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.Man: No sir, I was going 65.Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket [...]