Posts Tagged ‘world’
Diary of a computer lamer
|July 18I just tried to connect to America online, which I’ve heard is the best online service I can get. I can’t connect, I don’t know what is wrong.July 19Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don’t see why. He’s just trying to cheat me. How dumb does [...]
Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World
|10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.7. The “It’s a Small World After All” creatures go on a rampage.6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting “Kill Clinton, kill Clinton.”5. When you wish upon [...]
Types of computer viruses
|Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.The MCI virus: Every [...]
Europe English
|The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as [...]
Alphabet letters
|How many letters are there in the alphabet?Noel, noel, noel, noel … the angels did say…E.T. went home.Get rid of X. There’s too many unknowns in the world already!(Only one vowel left, or is that “Anly ana vawal laft” This may be stretching it a bit, but not unless you consider, as our good friends [...]
Bad convenience foods
|The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel’s pickled eggs … 8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source [...]
M&M Evolution theory
|M&M’s: The Theory of EvolutionWhenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.To this end, I hold M&M duels.Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That [...]
Purchasing power of burgers
|Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many “Big Mac” hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany’s leading institutes.The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald’s restaurant chain is increasingly being used by [...]
Crying about his life
|Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.”Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then have [...]
I have a question
|A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish breath [...]